I'm supposed to be working on my seminary entrance essay this morning, but I wrote this instead....
(I have waaaaaaaay too much time on my hands.)
PAT: Almighty God may you bless me with your prophetic words and visions so that I may help guide your wandering flock to everlasting salvation!
GOD: How did you get this number?
PAT: Oh Gracious Creator, yes I have read and reread the words given to the prophet Moses and handed down to us in the book of Numbers - How might I use its glorifying message to beat down the sinners who would trample my name…errr…your name in our midst?
GOD: I told you not to call here again.
PAT: Yes! Oh Yes oh Gracious One! I will answer your call and fight the devil whom hath released his wrath upon us your wayward children!
GOD: It must be this new iPhone that Steve J. sent me - The IGNORE and ACCEPT call buttons are too small and I keep hitting the wrong #%&*ing one.
PAT: Yes oh Lord! We can no longer ignore your demands for obedience and we accept whatever consequences you would lay upon us - Tell me - what horrible disasters lay in our future? What calamities will you send to shake the very fabric of creation?
GOD: Have you seen The Apprentice: Los Angeles?
PAT: Oh loving and vengeful Lord - I would be honored to be your apprentice in this eternal fight of good against evil. I only ask that you expose Satan in all his un-glory so that I may better seek to destroy him!
GOD: Did I mention Donald Trump?
PAT: Yes Lord! Your Almighty Army of Righteous Ones will trump the devil as you so will us to do!
GOD: I think we may have a bad connection…
PAT: Lord, your connection to me, your humble servant, has never been stronger and for that I am eternally blessed!
GOD: Uh, yeah…..look, I'm about to get in an elevator so I may lose you, but by all means keep talking…Your call is important to me and remember, I hear all of your prayer **click**…………………[if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.]