Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Dear God, Sorry to disturb you but....


I'm supposed to be working on my seminary entrance essay this morning, but I wrote this instead....
(I have waaaaaaaay too much time on my hands.)


A Conversation with Pat Robertson
By God


PAT: Almighty God may you bless me with your prophetic words and visions so that I may help guide your wandering flock to everlasting salvation!

GOD: How did you get this number?

PAT: Oh Gracious Creator, yes I have read and reread the words given to the prophet Moses and handed down to us in the book of Numbers - How might I use its glorifying message to beat down the sinners who would trample my name…errr…your name in our midst?

GOD: I told you not to call here again.

PAT: Yes! Oh Yes oh Gracious One! I will answer your call and fight the devil whom hath released his wrath upon us your wayward children!

GOD: It must be this new iPhone that Steve J. sent me - The IGNORE and ACCEPT call buttons are too small and I keep hitting the wrong #%&*ing one.

PAT: Yes oh Lord! We can no longer ignore your demands for obedience and we accept whatever consequences you would lay upon us - Tell me - what horrible disasters lay in our future? What calamities will you send to shake the very fabric of creation?

GOD: Have you seen The Apprentice: Los Angeles?

PAT: Oh loving and vengeful Lord - I would be honored to be your apprentice in this eternal fight of good against evil. I only ask that you expose Satan in all his un-glory so that I may better seek to destroy him!

GOD: Did I mention Donald Trump?

PAT: Yes Lord! Your Almighty Army of Righteous Ones will trump the devil as you so will us to do!

GOD: I think we may have a bad connection…

PAT: Lord, your connection to me, your humble servant, has never been stronger and for that I am eternally blessed!

GOD: Uh, yeah…..look, I'm about to get in an elevator so I may lose you, but by all means keep talking…Your call is important to me and remember, I hear all of your prayer **click**…………………[if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.]



….and now here it is, your moment of Zen:



3 comments:

Sarcastic Lutheran said...

Oh my God he totally looks like he's taking a big shit in that photo...perhaps that's where his predictions come from...

Name: MoCat said...

LOL - Either that or he's trying to stop time ala Hiro Nakamura from "Heroes" (save the cheerleader, save the world).

Eileen said...

LMAO@ Both of You!

I want Pat Robertson to come to my son's birthday party and do God predictions for all my son's friends. If he could make that face while he does it, I'd pay him double...He'd be a psychic AND a clown, all in one!