I came home yesterday afternoon to a message from the school telling me that they "had good news." My first response…"I don't know if I WANT good news."
I was actually afraid to call them back. Because I feared having to make the very choice that they have given me.
Boston or NY?
Do I take the sure thing and accept the scholarship for Boston this fall?
Or do I stick with my plan to wait a year and see what the NYC school has to offer when I apply in January?
I really, really, really like the school in NY, and so many factors are leading me to choose it over Boston. Despite all my whining over having to wait, I think my initial response to what should have been wonderful news was telling. They're offering me full tuition and my first thought is "I don't want it. I want to go to NY"??
Am I a complete putz or what??
If they had offered me the scholarship in April I would have been bouncing off the walls with joy. Boston was where I wanted to go. NY wasn't even on my radar. Oh, how things change in such a short amount of time.
I feel like a contestant on Let's Make a Deal.
Monty Hall has just handed me $40,000 and I'm thinking of trading it in for what's behind Door #2. The problem is, I could end up with a lifetime's supply of Turtle Wax.
The NY seminary may not offer me a full tuition scholarship, and even a half-tuition scholarship would have me paying out of pocket twice the amount of money it would cost to go to Boston.
If I defer admission to Boston until next year there's a chance that they may hold the scholarship for me, or at least put me at the top of the list for consideration when it comes time to hand money out for Fall '08. (the admissions dept is checking on this for me)
There's also the issue of housing. If I go to Boston in the fall my choice of on-campus housing will be slim to none as most of it has already been assigned.
Once again, am I a complete putz for agonizing over this decision?
If someone gave you the keys to brand new Porche would you say, "No thanks, there's a Ferrari that I've had my eye on and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get a good deal on it….but just in case I don't, could you offer me your car again in 6 months? Thanks, you're a doll…."
Yeah…I'm a putz.
Even God knows it.
He/She is up there right now laughing saying "yeah, let's dangle a couple of carrots in front of her and see which one she chooses, this should be fun……Hey Jesus, you got that case of Turtle Wax that I asked you to bring up from the basement?... we may be needing it."
I could use some prayers/suggestions/guidance on this one, so if anyone has any to offer, HELP!
7 comments:
Oh MoCat!!!! I don't any great advice (though my gut says "Follow YOUR gut"), but I will be praying for you to make the right decision.
And I guess if you MUST have a problem, this is a good kind of problem to have. Good luck, dearie.
Wow. If there's one thing I have learned with respect to finding a call, it's that my gut isn't always the most reliable indicator of God's direction for me... I have several times not gotten what I was sure I was called to, only to find that I landed in precisely the right place.
I know that's not helpful in the least.
Praying for you. I guess I would be weighing timing vs. placing... which is more important? Not the whole story, but one way I would probably go. FWIW.
Pax, C.
Oh, and you most certainly are not a whiner or a putz.
Pax, C.
Thanks wormwood and cecilia!
I usually try to follow my gut but the problem is two months ago my gut was saying "Boston" and now it's saying "New York"....
for now I think I'm just going to muzzle my gut and pay attention to what God is trying to tell me, by taking note of the way events unfold and listening to the messages that come from the people that God has brought into my life.
...If all else fails, I can always flip a coin! ;-)
There's also the amount of debt you might accrue upon graduation to consider--sorry to be such a bite in the ass. But it's one of the biggest burdens of going to seminary.
Usually following your gut is pretty good advice, but as John Cusack said in "High Fidelity": "My gut has shit for brains." Go with your heart, MoCat.
I went to ANTS myself because Boston was the familiar city and both my father and my pastor had graduated from there: a known quantity. Consider your own desires about what you want out of seminary and which city tugs at you. Pay attention to your dreams too.
Best wishes to you, congrats on the scholarship, and remember, God will be with you no matter what.
Oh wow, what a predicament to be in.
If money were NOT an issue here, which one would your heart be pulled to?
Which one will better prepare you in all ways for being the type of minister you wish to be?
Go with your heart, MoCat.
Cynthia---isn't that funny? I sort of think of my heart AS my gut...
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